I was on a roll. My students were riveted. I thought about all of the toxic "friendships" I was steering them away from, all the meaningful relationships they were going to immediately develop in the next break between classes, and I gave myself an imaginary pat on the back (Okay, so maybe I gave myself an actual pat on the back. But very subtly and not so you'd notice).
"So what does it mean to guard your heart?" I asked.
There was a long silence. Then finally,
"My dad says you should exercise and drink a glass of red wine everyday," responded Landon.
So much for that pat on the back. Every time I get a little too satisfied with myself something steps in to keep me humble (like the time I woke up early for work, showered and quite possibly even brushed my hair, thought about posting a status update about how awesome I was, and then realized it was 6 pm, and not 6 am.)*
*If you have ever accused me of being a poser for keeping my phone on military time, I hope this story justifies it.
I tried again to explain, in simpler terms, what I meant by protecting one's self. But I felt that instead of leaving them with an idea of how to build a meaningful relationship, I was just giving them the impression that no one could be trusted and every person will eventually disappoint you. I wanted to convey somehow that the idea of guarding one's heart didn't mean to build boundaries so tight that no one could get in...
I decided to let the master take over, and gave them a favorite quote from CS Lewis:
He says it much better than I could, and if there weren't any meaningful friendships formed or toxic relationships broken in the 5 minutes before the next class, I was fairly confident there would be at least 4 before lunch.
***
The morning's class left me with a lot to consider about relationships, particularly in regard to maintaining them. Recently, I read an article that I found really helpful on this subject. It speaks about the importance of asking meaningful questions when in conversation. How many times a day do we hear this:
"How are you?"
Do you really want to know how I am? Should I tell you about how my car was broken into and now I am poorer by 67 pennies and a Canadian nickel? Should I tell you that the pep in my step is because I just started using a new shampoo and my hair is doing that awesome thing it does when you've just started using a new shampoo? Should I explain that I am having anxiety because my dentist told me to start flossing 6 years ago and I still haven't done it? Or are you hoping I will let you off with a simple, "I'm well. How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?" Dangit. Well. You are well, Ms. English teacher.
They respond in kind, and neither of you leaves the conversation knowing anything more about the person.
So I set myself a challenge. Ask specific questions (shout out to my fab roommate, A, for being my guinea pig). "Did you get any compliments today?" "Hear a good song on the radio?" "What is one word that defines your day?" "Would you like to go directly to bed without speaking to me because you left the house before I even woke up this morning? (that's the one I'm saving for tonight).
And, what do you know, other people are doing it too. Meaningful conversations are sprouting like the sweet potatoes I bought 3 months ago and forgot in the cabinet.
My favorite question to date comes from E., "What was your sound bite from today?"
Mine would have to be, "People stopped saying that in 2011." Who knew the expression "like a boss" was so dated? And very specifically dated, apparently. That one quote summed up very accurately a day of feeling terribly old and irrelevant. It didn't help that one of my students asked me what it was like living in the 80s.
E's response to her own question?
"Sometimes in life, you have to use your hand as a plunger."
Consider the conversation started.
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