Go Home, Pinterest, You Are Drunk: Superbowl Edition

I am not one for false humility. I will be the first to admit that I am a dang creative person. I mean, how many people would have the idea to use a radiator as a bookshelf (okay...maybe that's not a great example)...

Still, when it comes to cooking, I've learned from experience not to let my creative urges get the upper hand (let's just say there's a reason why peanut guacamole never took off. Contrary to popular opinion, peanut butter does not go with everything).

So when it came time to make snacks for various Super Bowl  parties, I turned to every girl's best frienemy: Pinterest.

I immediately regretted this decision.

The first thing that came up were directions for building a "snack stadium."

http://coolcookstyle.com/2012/02/04/trending-super-bowl-snack-stadiums/

I did not take this picture. I did not build this stadium. I am anxious about the sanity of the person who can lay claim to having done such.

Or, apparently, the multiple people who are doing it, if the word "trending" can be taken at face value.

I admire the skills of the food architect that produced this monument to the American tradition of eating as many preservatives as possible while drinking beer and watching commercials...ahem, football.

But seriously, people, know your audience. If you are having a party to watch the commercials, then by all means, build to your heart's content, because your guests will probably appreciate your effort. And they may even try to eat strategically to keep it intact as long as possible. But any person that is serious about football will compliment your cleverness, and promptly dive for the meat they have their eye on, regardless of whether it's in the nosebleeds or the foundation.

Also, the guacamole in the middle? Really? It is hard enough to scoop guacamole from a bowl while keeping the chip intact (side note: they should definitely make heavy duty corn chips for this express purpose), but throw in a barricade of deli meat? It's a logistical nightmare.

Passing on the snack stadium.

What ever happened to Lil' Smokies? Pigs in a blanket and football go together like Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. But these days it seems we can't let a good thing be without making it Instagram worthy.

Introducing, "Quarter Pups." (I think the URL pinpoints the problem - this idea is one of 23 cute snacks for your super bowl party).

http://www.diytheme.com/23-cute-football-snacks-for-your-super-bowl-party.html#.Uu7LCGStnU4

I would like to see the person who has time to cut off the 1/3 of an olive necessary to make these snacks. And if I am an example of the average lil' smokie consumer, they will be doing it about 150 times.

Also, this person must have discovered a mustard bottle that comes in fine tip, or else has a very steady hand. Face masks on a mini hot dog? I have trouble making a zigzag on the adult size.

Needless to say, I scrolled passed this snack idea, too, for a more practical option.

Trail mix. That sounded like a good idea. 

5 minute trail mix. Even better. I can definitely get on board with a recipe that involves buying a lot of bags of pre-made ingredients and pouring them into a bowl.

But trust Pinterest to make even this difficult. Sure, it shows loyalty to have only blue and orange M&M's in your mix (Go Broncos!) or only green and blue (Go Seahawks!), but realistically, it turns a 5 minute trail mix into a 45 minute trail mix. And who are we kidding, trail mix is just a vehicle for chocolate anyway. Restricting yourself to two colors is like taking all but the Red Balloons and Rainbows out of Lucky Charms and still expecting kids to eat them. We all know the rest of the colors are going to make it in before the end of the night.

I am not above the cute snack craze. In fact, my snacks were "interesting" before they put a "P" in front of it (during New Year's, Y2K, I made a snack mix that included only "O" shaped things. Unfortunately life savers, peachie-os, and cheerios don't exactly blend). 

However, there is a time and a place (namely, baby showers, bridal brunches, and bachelorettes).

Pinterest: know thy limits.

PS: Here is the recipe for the Banana Foster Bars I ended up making (yellow seemed like a good color for a neutral watcher - you'll get 'em next year, Eagles).

PPS: I use gender neutral terminology on purpose. I recognize that there are girls (myself among them) that enjoy watching the game. I'd also like to thank all the men on Pinterest. You six have really lent a lot of diversity to the site.