I've been busy mopping up the tears of my devastated students as I say my farewells.
Okay, so maybe it was just one student. And she said it was because her contacts were bothering her. But I know the real story.
My goodbye wasn't exactly up to biopic standards, but I'm sure the screenwriters can rework it (Mr. Spielberg, I'm thinking something in this vein...)
In fact, one class' send off was more in the style of my worst nightmare. I walked into a darkened classroom, and without warning heads came popping up from behind desks, a paper hat was shoved onto my head, and I was swept into a congo line, dancing down the hallways of the school to the strains of "Feliz Navidad" playing simultaneously from 6 laptops. (Apparently if I have taught them anything over the past two years, it has not been the difference between Latin America Latin and Julius Caesar Latin. I can't really blame them though - I don't think congo-ing to Panis Angelicus would have produced the same effect).
Another class presented me with a canvas bearing the legend, "Vale, Ms. M!" with their names written at the bottom, surrounded by flames. This, as one explained, was to represent my scorching sarcasm and lack of sympathy...in a good way, he assured me.
Replace "mopping up tears" with "sweeping up the ashes of their self-esteem." And let's go ahead and cut that scene from the biopic.
There were some genuinely emotional moments:
"Miss M, I am sorry that you're leaving. But maybe now you'll have time to get a boyfriend." They haven't seen my new glasses, or else they'd realize that there are bigger obstacles to overcome than time management.
"Emotional" can be understood in a variety of ways, however. Here are some excerpts garnered from my yearbook...
"Remember to let your date be chivalrous and open the door for you when you get out of the car." At least somebody was paying attention to unit 9 in Vocab Workshop.
"Latin was really fun with you as a teacher... And people said I couldn't make middle schoolers appreciate a dead language. Ha.
"...I liked the tangents the best."
"Thanks for all the tangents #excellentteaching."
"Thank you for your fun tangents."
Hmm. Maybe I celebrated a little prematurely.
So what you're saying is, Latin was really fun when you weren't learning Latin.
"I could imagine a much more miserable year without you." I think this is a positive thing...not exactly a tagline for my inspirational teacher movie, though.
"I learned a lot such as commas and vocabulary words. Thanks for putting up with my shenanigans and quirk behavior." Tell me again how much you learned about vocabulary?
"I am really thirsty, I need some wooter." Yeah, like I never heard that one before.
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| Luckily for this child, they had already exempted their exam. Smart move. |
"I will miss you next year. Make judicious decisions at your new school." I don't think that word means what you think it means.
"I plan to continue to take Latin and I will always remember where my Latin journey began. I feel honored to have been a part of your favorite group of students that you will ever teach." Well here was one student who managed to preserve his self esteem.
"I would like to thank you for keeping the burning of students to a minimum this year." For the record, I only ever casually mentioned burning at the stake during class and it was in a completely different context.
"Have a great time in D.C. (Washington)." In case I was confused.
"You taught me many new and sufficient things this year." I'm happy to hear that 7th grade grammar was tried and found adequate.
You are also very stylish and have a great summer. To her credit, she packed a lot of things into a small space.
"I loved your class so much because Jane and I were always talking about how we wanted your clothes." At the end of the day, who really cares about the difference between a gerund and a participle anyway?
"Carpe Noctem. Drink more flaming beverages."
On second thought, the biopic might have to be shelved entirely...
